Twenty five years ago it became really important for me to help other people with anxious feelings because of my own unexpected experience with the onset of heightened fear.
I felt like I had been hit with a sledge hammer, I had no idea what had happened to me, but I knew that I was terrified all of the time and that I was no longer the same. Sometimes, when I look back now, it can feel really difficult to tune into how impactful the fear was to be on my life and just how quickly it was able to rob me of my wellbeing. What I do remember was that it was a very dark time for me where my strength and resilience would be tested to the extent that I seriously questioned if I would ever feel well again.
I noticed it on my daughter’s birthday. I can remember how much I changed from the moment I noticed it and I honestly felt like I was in some way dying. It was impossible to relax, I felt agitated and terrified at the same time. My head was full of the most dreadful thoughts, it honestly felt like I was no longer me. I just wanted to re treat from everyone and everything while at the same time being terrified of being alone.
Trips to the doctor began, they gave me anxiety labels and a tablet that they assured me would remove the fear. When the tablet didn’t work, I became even more convinced that the doctors missed something that was very wrong. I was sensitive to sounds and could not read or watch anything for fear of it tipping my emotions even more, in the most acute stages, it was impossible to work or to concentrate on anything other than what the fear was doing inside of me.
I used to sit up at night alone, watching the big clock in the kitchen and willing myself to get through another minute, it’s weird but there must have been something somewhere inside, a tiny flicker of something that barely whispered come on you can do it, it won’t always be this way. This was in fact the beginning of my journey and although I didn’t know it at the time, also my purpose.
For me it was start of a twelve-year quest for answers.
At some times it was manageable but at others it was so severe I could not function at all. I became an endless visitor to medical professionals. I tried many different medications, I don’t mind admitting that I drank alcohol to numb my feelings and when that failed to work, I tried vitamins, diets, self-help books, relaxation and meditation.
Finally, in desperation to find a way to remove this feeling I paid £1200 to hire a celebrity Hypnotherapist who came to my house for two hours as he was convinced it would take less than that time to completely cure me. Incidentally he didn’t cure me, he left leaving me feeling much worse. Not only was I not cured, I was also £1200 worse off.
I have gone to great lengths to hide the way I was feeling and appearing normal meant everything to me. I have quit jobs before anyone noticed or just didn’t see friends until I felt well again. Over the years have lost or given up fantastic jobs, I have lost good friends because I isolated myself so much that they just stopped contacting me. I became a master of hiding it but in doing that the only one I continued to hurt was me.
Eventually, I came to understand that I was the only one responsible for making me well again and I began to search for the answers I needed and work out why I was making myself worse and not better.
I decided that whatever I found, I would share with others and try to stop them falling into the decline that I did. And this website has been my first resource to offer other fearful people.
I think that anxiety is misunderstood, I also feel that to treat it effectively you have to have experienced what someone else may be going through, at least with regards to how an anxious feeling may feel, because I can’t pretend to know it all, after all we are all different people whom have experienced life in different ways
What I can tell you is this:
- No pill will ‘cure’ you in an instant (And believe it or not that is not a bad thing!)
- The medical world treat anxiety as a symptom (But not with bad intention)
- This is a learned reaction to an emotion, you are not condemned to a life of pain, you just have to go about tackling this in the right way.
Ultimately, change can only come from you and knowledge is power. Getting the right advice as early as possible can shorten the time that you are suffering as you don’t develop the habits that keeps you there.
I hope it has been helpful to hear a little bit about me and that your visit to my site really helps you in your journey. It has always been my passion be a positive but knowledgeable source of information about anxious feelings and to provide other fearful people with the answers that often have evaded them in their quest to understand what is happening and how to navigate your own journey in a way that can help you.
I want to help you; and I have some exciting new developments arriving shortly (End of 2025) Please watch the website.
Always believe that you are strong and you hold the answer.
Trust yourself to heal.